[kicks open a saloon door, everyone turns to see a wanted bandit with bloodsoaked cowboy boots and chaps, I spit perfectly into a spittoon, adjust my belt and tip my hat and say loudly for the whole bar to hear] alright, which one of you city slickers is gay enough to date me
Concept: I run a pumpkin patch in a Canadian mountain village. I wake up with the sun and wear overalls and rain boots and a knit cardigan. My dog walks with me through the foggy fields.
Me: jhope is my only bias in BTS
Yoongi: *breaths*
Me: OMG DID U SEE THAT LOOK HOW TALENT MIN YOONGI IS WTF I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH LET ME PROTECT YOU FROM ALL THE BAD IN THE WORLD PLEASE EAT WELL AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH
Me: but yeah hobi is my only bias.
RELATABLE
HOLY SHIT IF THIS AINT ME
god was supposed to give me either a big dick or big brain but he gave me a big heart instead so i could become a sensitve loser
me: i cant move, a cute animal is asleep on me
person: push it off
me: [enraged and offended]
concept: me, a housewife, putting two lean cuisines in the microwave. i drink an entire bottle of chardonnay during the four minutes the chicken fettuccine takes to heat up. my husband walks through the door just as i place the entrée on the table. he thanks me for slaving away all day over a hot stove. i have succeed in passing the lean cuisine off as my own creation. when he’s done, i tell him im in love with our maid, helen–who bears a striking resemblance to margot robbie–and that i will see him in court. im blind drunk and jump into a 1960s pink convertible that helen is driving. we laugh about the lean cuisines.
this is the best post on this fucking website
divineandmajesticinone